michele in tortoise pose (kurmasana)

I know that I am very much like the hare and not much at all like the tortoise.  Perhaps that is why I feel such an aversion to Kurmasana, or tortoise pose.  In this asana you bend both knees and slide the arms under the knees. Rocking back and forth you slide the arms further under the legs bringing the arms behind your back with the palms facing down.  Face to the floor, listening to your breath, the intensity of the stretch, I find myself in a panic.  The first time I attended an Ashtanga class and experienced this posture, I went into it and then almost ripped my arms off trying to get out once my mind realized where I was.

I had a similar experience scuba diving when I realized I was breathing under water and how far away the surface was.

Why am I so racked with fear as I face the unknown and become close with my breath?  Perhaps my fear is simply the fear of the self.  Forced to turn my mind inward and surrender to the unknowable, what if I am disappointed with what I see?

The practice of Yoga is exactly the space where questions like these can be asked of oneself and maybe someday answered as well.  I know that my time on my mat is a time for reflection, for feeling what my heart has to offer.  So rather than enjoying the asanas that my ego can be drawn to, basically doing what gives me an outer feeling of success, I need to turn inward and practice the asanas that challenge me to – be still, to be present, to experience where I am tight or where I am weak.  To make me more like the tortoise and balance my hare.

-Michele