seva journal

michele in tortoise pose (kurmasana)

I know that I am very much like the hare and not much at all like the tortoise.  Perhaps that is why I feel such an aversion to Kurmasana, or tortoise pose.  In this asana you bend both knees and slide the arms under the knees. Rocking back and forth you slide the arms further under the legs bringing the arms behind your back with the palms facing down.  Face to the floor, listening to your breath, the intensity of the stretch, I find myself in a panic.  The first time I attended an Ashtanga class and experienced this posture, I went into it and then almost ripped my arms off trying to get out once my mind realized where I was.

I had a similar experience scuba diving when I realized I was breathing under water and how far away the surface was.

Why am I so racked with fear as I face the unknown and become close with my breath?  Perhaps my fear is simply the fear of the self.  Forced to turn my mind inward and surrender to the unknowable, what if I am disappointed with what I see?

The practice of Yoga is exactly the space where questions like these can be asked of oneself and maybe someday answered as well.  I know that my time on my mat is a time for reflection, for feeling what my heart has to offer.  So rather than enjoying the asanas that my ego can be drawn to, basically doing what gives me an outer feeling of success, I need to turn inward and practice the asanas that challenge me to – be still, to be present, to experience where I am tight or where I am weak.  To make me more like the tortoise and balance my hare.

-Michele

movies for thought

I tend to not go to the movies all year because who has time, right?  But every January when the awards are announced, I try and see the five movies that have been nominated as “the best movies”.  So in the last month, I’ve seen four of the five, “Frost/Nixon”, “Milk”, “The Reader”, and “Slumdog Millionaire”.

As I reflect on these movies, a bright light shines on the amount of pain and suffering that humans go through. I can’t listen to the news or read the paper without seeing how true this is.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed with feelings as to what my responsibilities should be in a world full of suffering.

Even though I practice my yoga every day, I’m still amazed at how paralyzed I sometimes feel when I look at the bigness of the monster I see.  I do think that the disciplines I’ve learned through my yoga has helped me immensely.  Staying present and observing the moment, breathing deeply, and not judging helps me stay sane. And when I can stay sane I can better move myself and others to a place of peace. Like they say on an airplane, “put on your own air mask first before assisting others”.  Oh, and by the way, all the movies above mentioned, are great.

-Daniel

(photo courtesey of JanneM)

So I always have some vague notion of how I want my  class to begin.  Some sort of meditative breath and the layering of movement on that breath, and then fully riding that breath as we begin to flow on the mat.  Thats how I like to teach it, present it, offer it up to you.

Now, its just me.  Home.  45 minutes to spare, maybe more, depending.  I roll that mat out, stereo on, socks off, GO.  Suddenly I am on this namaskar ride, 0 to 60.  A good friend who is also a body worker and has had her hands on me asked me “why don’t you practice at home the way you teach it?”  That is a very good question.  Why don’t I?  I know that I would never just burst into the studio, turn up the music and send anyone else on that ride.  Its sometimes hard to take care of ourselves the way we would take care of others.  Do we take our own bodies for granted and ask unrealistic things of ourselves that we would never ask or expect of others?

Tomorrow I will begin again, maybe this time in child’s pose.  Maybe I will listen to my friend and my own advice and let myself open gradually, with breath and awareness.  And if I don’t, well I can always try again the next day.

(photo courtesy of Teo)